You get to be seen

Do you feel seen by the people around you? Are they able to meet you in your joy & pleasure as well as your suffering & pain?

So many of us are walking around feeling empty, alone, unseen, unmet, and unloved. That’s not okay.

For many years of my life, I wasn’t asking to be seen. I was showing up in all the places and relationships that I thought I should show up in, and I was hoping (desperately hoping) that someone would magically see my inner beauty, gifts, desires, and limits.

That didn’t work out well for me. I was expecting those around me to do the work to see me without showing up and asking them to.

If we want to be seen, we get to ask for it. We have to ask for it.

We get to demand to be seen.

And that is vulnerable. It’s scary. It brings up fears, shame, guilt, lies, and the pain of past experiences.

And, it’s the work we have to do if we want to find deeper intimacy, connection, and pleasure in our relationships.

Asking to be seen

Asking to be seen is going to be different than asking for your favorite touch, food, or game.

Being seen is more than a surface-level request (unless you’re literally asking someone to see your body, outfit, etc.).

You are asking them to see you at the soul level, the subtler and subtlest parts of your being.

Asking people to see you means that you literally just have to show up for yourself. You have to stop hiding the parts of you that you’re unsure about, ashamed of, or afraid to let people see.

You have to name your desires, feelings, thoughts, and limits.

When I step into that level of vulnerability, I might ask,

• This is really hard for me to say because I haven’t spoken it before.

• I feel some shame in what I’m about to share. Is it okay to share?

• I’m really afraid to tell you about this part of me because I’m afraid you’ll leave. I’ve had that experience before.

These types of statements signal to the person that this is important, challenging, and vulnerable.

And, if they can’t hold me in that, that is great information to have. And I step back so I can find someone who can see me.

Setting limits for people who don’t see you

When I show up with vulnerability and the person is unable or unwilling to see me, I step back.

Showing up with vulnerability opens us up, we feel more. The pain of not being seen is felt and there is so much wisdom in that pain. It tells me all I need to know about whether I want to step forward or backward in this relationship.

We get to ask to be seen. We get to be vulnerable. And we get to step back when people can’t meet us there. That’s okay. It’s not unkind, mean, or harmful.

All of this is a practice. It’s going to show up differently with every different relationship.

And, through that practice, we can find so much ease, fulfillment, joy, better sex, and loads of pleasure.

This is ultimately what I offer in my work.

I want you to show up and allow me to see you. If you ask me to, I will see you. I will hold you. I will love you.

That is why this work is so transformative. It is a space where you get to feel and be in a different kind of relationship. You get to be seen.