Testimonials & Expectations
Below are real-life testimonials along with some things you can expect along your journey.
Expectations
Testimonials are helpful to read, but I usually only receive positive ones and I don’t think they paint a full picture of the experience you’ll have in working with me. Below are some of the most common challenges and successes I’ve noticed in this work.
In our work together, I will hold you and guide you through all of this. This is the work. And it is important to name that the challenges are our greatest teachers if we can hold them and be present with them. I’ll help you do that.
Challenges
Grief & loss — There inevitably comes a time in this work when you realize you have to let go of habits, people, spaces, and relationships. Grief is going to be present and your ability to hold it will love will determine your outcomes.
Perfectionism — This work is about unraveling years, decades, and lifetimes of programming about pleasure, relationships, ease, rest, power, and freedom. It’s going to be messy. You’re going to be imperfect. I’m going to be imperfect. This can be a huge stumbling block for folks who are used to being perfect and always doing well. In fact, it will probably make the process a lot more uncomfortable.
People pleasing — A lot of clients want me to like them. I get it. I’ve been there. And it can completely derail your process if you show up in ways that you think I’ll like. First of all, I’ll see through it immediately and it will erode trust. Second, I will always like you more when you show up authentically.
Linear approaches to creating — There is no direct path. There is no five-year plan. For some that can be really uncomfortable. Most of my clients are good at creating and manifesting. And you probably have a certain way of doing it. I’m going to invite you to do it differently. That will create some hurdles and you’ll be asked to surrender to the process and trust yourself in ways that you never imagined.
Relationship endings — Inevitably, as folks step into this work they begin to see the relationships that they are enduring and tolerating. They realize that they need to step back from it, but that is not easy. For some clients those relationships are unimportant and for some, they are the most foundational relationships of your life. I’m never going to tell you what to do in that space, but the deep realizations that come will make it hard to avoid.
Infatuation and attachment — I show up with a lot of love and presence. For some folks, it may be one of the few relationships where you get to experience that. And, as the guide, facilitator, and teacher, I hold an immense amount of power. Some clients have become very attached to and infatuated with those aspects of me. And if attraction and horniness are also present, it can be more complicated. This can quickly turn to anger, disappointment, and frustration when the infatuation and attachments are not reciprocated. And that has been blown back at me more than a few times.
I will love you deeply. I’ll be present with you. I’ll see you. I’ll hold you. And I’ll always do my best to be clear about the boundaries of our relational container. If this comes up, I’ll name it and we’ll talk about it.Presence — Some clients struggle with being present in the work. That shows up as not prioritizing the sessions, the contemplations, the integration. It’s up to you and you always get to choose, but your ability to be present for yourself will determine what you get out of this. Figure out what you need in order to be physically, mentally, and emotionally present for the program.
Successes
New relationships — It is very common for clients to find new friends, lovers, and partners during and after this work. It is expected if you’re doing the deep inner work to question what you truly want and what you want to say no to. It is not hard to find new friends later in life. You just have to ask, be present, and hold the complexities of relationships and community.
Renewed marriages & partnerships — To be honest, many clients come to me feeling frustrated in their marriages and partnerships. They notice they’ve been enduring and they want something to change. Most of those folks leave this work with a new understanding of how to show up for themselves in the partnership. Their ability to navigate desire and limits with more ease within themselves ripples out into the partnership.
Better sex — This is the easy one. Of course, you’re going to have better sex after a deep exploration of your desires, challenges, limits, shadows, and power. The only hindrance to this is when people come to me for better sex and only want to see this issue without looking deeper.
More ease in facilitating groups and clients — I work with a lot of coaches, facilitators, and space holders who are asking these questions of themselves and the groups they lead. It’s all connected and there is almost always a deeper understanding of how we show up as leaders with others. That involves some tough questions around power, integrity, giving, and receiving — as do most things that matter.
More deeply connected relationships — Most clients leave this work with a new understanding of how they want to show up in relationships. They also leave with increased skills and capacities on how to get it. That often results in friendships and relationships that feel more trust-filled, easy, and connected.
Career and job changes — I have worked with a number of people who came into this work ready for a career or job change, and most of them got it. For some that was massive, for others, it was more lateral. It depends on what you want and what you’re willing to ask for.
Changes in living space — Some clients come in knowing how uncomfortable, unhappy, and unfulfilled they are in their living spaces. Many of those clients left the work and created a new living environment that was completely aligned with what they wanted. We deserve to be settled where we live, but we have to ask for it.
Clarity in desire (both big and small) — This might seem simple but this is the heart of the work. Clients that are present in the program learn how to get really clear about what they want and don’t want. That serves them for the rest of their lives because it will be lodged in the sense memory of your body. You will not forget. You cannot forget. And it will serve you and guide you the rest of your life.