My assumptions in relationships

I assume love is present in all of my relationships.

I assume that we won’t like everything about each other. I do not need to like everything (or anything) about you in order to love you.

I assume that we will disagree, argue, or need periods of increased space. We are different people with uniquely individual desires and limits — of course, that will happen. And I still love you.

I assume we will hold experience, power, and privilege in different ways. I will have more experience & power in some areas. You will have more experience & power in some areas. I do not assume we will be equal and I do not want us to be equal.

I assume that pleasure and pain will both be present. I do not always want to be in pleasure in the same way that I do not always want to be in pain. I want to ride the waves of both pleasure and pain.

I see so much self-created suffering when we become attached to

• liking everything about ourselves and others,

• being equal instead of recognizing, acknowledging, and uplifting our differences

• wanting to be good vibes only by avoiding topics and feelings that are painful.

We can feel love, joy, and fulfillment within the subtle depths of our bodies — even if we find dissonance at the surface.

It’s all okay.

It can all be a lot easier. But we each have to take responsibility for ourselves, our histories, our desires, our limits, and our work.

We have to practice being present for our partners. We have to practice setting limits. We have to practice asking for what we want.

Most of all, we have to re-learn how to create relational spaces where vulnerability and presence are held, acknowledged, and welcomed.

If you’re curious about how you can do this for yourself, reach out for a consultation.