Reframing rejection

So often we don’t ask for what we want because we are afraid of rejection.

We translate no as “they don’t like me” or we think they’ll leave us or abandon us.

And so instead of asking for what we truly want, we endure where we are while hoping for something better.

I’m not a fan of hope.

Hope leaves us in a disorienting state of limbo.

Hope is incredibly inefficient as it leaves our authentic selves obscured and unclear.

I also think focusing our energy on rejection is a massive waste of time.

So I like to offer a reframe.

It’s not rejection, it’s reorienting.

When we ask for what we want, the other person gets to reorient with us. They get a clearer sense of what we want, who we are, and where we are.

And in their response, we get reoriented to what they are willing/wanting to do, who they are, and where they are.

In the container of our relationship (whatever that may be), asking for what we want helps us determine how and where we want to step forward, backward, or sideways.

And sure, there may be situations where someone decides they want to step completely out of our relational container (rejection), but even when they do that, there is usually much more going on besides whatever request we made.

Also, if my requests, desires, or limits are going to prompt someone to completely leave our relationship… well, that’s information I want to know because I don’t want to be in relationships like that. I want to be in relationships where it is safe enough to ask for what I want and say no to what I don’t want.

Stop thinking of rejection and reframe it as your desire to reorient to and with the other person.

And if you want more clarity about how you can navigate the unique challenges and obstacles that show up for you, consider joining me for 1-1 work online or in person in Nashville.