Take Responsibility for the Stories in Your Head

I talk to a lot of folks who want to change their lives. You want your boss to value you more, you want more fulfilling relationships, you want to do something more with your life.

I’ve certainly been there and I know what those places feel like.

  • Those moments when I was publicly shamed in front of my coworkers.

  • That depression that came from feeling meaningless in my day-to-day job.

  • That yearning when I wanted nothing more than for my boyfriend to love me.

I remember so well what it was like to expect my boss, my job, and my boyfriend to change. I could talk for hours about the ways in which they were mistreating me. My main desire was for them to change.

But these desires were misplaced. I didn’t need my boss to treat me better. I didn’t need my boyfriend to love me more. And I certainly didn’t need a more meaningful job (I was working on universal health care at the time!).

All of these stories triggered something deeper inside of me that needed work - all mirrors. But I was not willing to go there so I created stories that blamed other people.

Very quickly, those stories became important parts of my identity.

Your stories are your identity

It was so easy for me to demonize my boss because the only other alternative was to look inward - and that was WAY TOO HARD.

To look inward would be to realize that I wasn’t treating myself with respect. It would mean that I would have to confront the decades of shaming I had thrown onto myself.

It was much easier to latch onto my boss’s few shaming statements than it would have been for me to meditate on decades of personal shaming and hatred.

And that story became my identity. I completely gave up my responsibility to myself and handed it to someone else.

Holding onto stories

I held on to the story of me being the hard-working, kind employee who was unfairly targeted by an “evil” manager. I thrived in it. It was easy to tell and easy to sell.

But was she “evil?” Was she targeting me? I don’t know if she was evil (or any of the other things I called her). I can not absolutely know anything about her.

What I do know is that I didn’t like her behavior towards me in certain moments. But in those moments, I had a choice.

Option 1: I could notice the moment and my feelings, recognize that it is triggering something deeper inside of me, and then work on it… OR,

Option 2: I could notice the moment and my feelings, and choose to not recognize that it triggered something deeper inside of me and place all the blame on her. Then I could dwell on it for days, weeks, and months. I would choose to not be present because in this scenario I MUST be mired in the past (and surely future!) wrongdoings.

In my experience, it is almost always easier to choose Option 2 - to place the blame on someone else. So that is what the mind does when given an option.

And it is at this moment where I find it most helpful to drop into your body and enter that erotic space.

Experiencing alignment in your erotic space

When you are in a true erotic space, your mind, body, and soul are in alignment. And anything that is not in alignment simply cannot enter.

These stories you’ve created to avoid deeper work on yourself, you begin to see how tiny and unimportant they actually are. You gain clarity around how they are serving you. You begin to see what is truly in your best interest.

Those stories you’ve created and that identity that’s built around it - they fade away. Once it fades, you are only left with your soul and your soul’s true purpose.

The clarity that comes is life-changing.

If you’d like to experience this for yourself, if you’d like to dive deeper into the stories you’ve built your identity around, set up a consultation and let’s talk.

It is deep work and it asks a lot of you. You have to enter with vulnerability and honesty, but you’ll come away with truth and upleveling.