Getting to Your Growth Edge

Your growth edge is that place that pushes you to question yourself and your journey. That edge that feels scary because you’ve never been there. Your mind & body are telling you to stay put because it is unknown.

Your growth edge is that place that you know deep down you want to go toward. Maybe it keeps popping up on your radar or you keep thinking about it. But because it is so different from your current path, because it is so scary, you don’t go.

What is your growth edge? Where is it? When was the last time you were there?

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You don’t have to be alone. I am here to walk with you to that edge and keep you safe.

The one thing I can promise is that however scary that growth edge may seem, when we go up to it together, it will be fun and it will be challenging.

Most of us lose sight of our growth edge because to be in it, to be up on it, is not comfortable. It is unknown and the mind and body don’t like the unknown.

We have our habits, our patterns, our daily lives, and to disrupt that - no matter how unhealthy they may be - is not easy.

And you’re usually alone. You’re alone because it is your growth edge - not your friend’s, not your lover’s, not your family’s.

But it isn’t always so hard. First, it is a muscle and the more you use it, the easier it gets. It also helps to change your perspective and treat it like an experiment.

Make it an experiment

One of the best lessons I have learned from my tantra teachers is to treat everything like an experiment and gather data.

So what if your growth edge is scary? Just go up to it and if you don’t like it, you can step away. That’s great data to carry with you. And if you do like it, that’s also great data to have going forward.

When I started seeing everything as an experiment, I stopped giving away my power. I stopped thinking that I had no choices to make if I stepped up to my growth edge.

Before, if I was thinking of doing something scary, like moving to Korea or starting a healing business around erotic energy, my mind would immediately go to all of the bad things that would happen that were out of my control.

I could go from “I want to start this business” to “I’ll be living in my mom’s basement” in about 3.7 seconds.

What I try to remember now is that the worst rarely happens, and, more importantly, I am never in a situation in which I have no options. I can always decide to engage or disengage.

I have never lost my agency in being able to decide my own path.

And that has helped me have the courage to approach my growth edge more and more over the years. And the more I go, the easier it gets.

It is like a muscle

It gets easier over time because it is like a muscle that gets bigger the more you challenge it.

Of course, the journey doesn’t end once you’ve confronted one of your challenges - you just move to the next and keep growing. You will never have a lack of opportunities that will help you grow. But that fear that used to stop you in your tracks, it gets easier and more familiar.

When you ignore that growth edge, your body reacts and that feeling in our gut is awful.

For me, I don’t even have to think about things for the most part because I am so familiar with my body’s reaction. I know that when my body immediately says “no” - that is something I need to take a closer look at.

Notice when your body says “no”

When your body says “no,” stop and take a look at the situation. Ask yourself, “why is it saying no?”

There is a big difference between fear that comes from the unknown and fear that comes from potential bodily harm. But if we don’t stop and check in, our bodies will register them similarly.

Whether it is an event I’m teaching, a class I’m going to, or a date I’m planning - I pay attention to my body. And when I feel that strong “no” come on, I do my best to make it a game and face it head on.

I try to stay curious because I want to know why the fear is coming up. And I’m curious about what will happen when I confront it.

A few weeks ago I saw an ad for a class on asphyxiation. I felt that strong “no” come on. That’s never been something I’ve been particularly interested in and I realized it was something I was really scared of (What would my mother think!?). When I felt that, I knew I had to register.

The class was great! I learned a ton about asphyxiation, how it impacts people emotionally & physically, and how to do it safely. I also downloaded a lot of data - learning: it’s not for me.

If I hadn’t confronted that strong “no” I wouldn’t know any of those things, and I’m so glad I do.

Working in an erotic space is often a growth edge

The work I do often pushes people to their growth edge. Working in an erotic space is not often known territory. Working to confront spiritual blocks is more known these days - but again, not in an erotic space.

This means that I have a lot of great conversations with people on the phone. We talk about that edge and what it would look like if we walked up to it together. It is always an exciting conversation and it is one of my favorite parts of the job.

(If you’re not ready to talk about your edge, I’ll usually end the call, give you some homework, and suggest that we talk after you’ve had more time to think about it.)

The funny thing is that when we hang up the phone, your body’s fear response comes back full force. That fear of the growth edge becomes all too real. And suddenly, this work you were excited about tackling becomes less and less appealing.

I get it. I totally do. I still face those same fears, which is why I have coaches. And that is why I am here to do this work with you.

You don’t have to be alone. I am here to walk with you to that edge and keep you safe.

The one thing I can promise is that however scary that growth edge may seem, when we go up to it together, it will be fun and it will be challenging.

If you’re interested in this work and what your growth edge would look like, set up a consultation so we can talk about it. At the very least, it will be a fun and challenging conversation.